Books: Julia Lawrinson – Avoiding a Happy Life

WA author Julia Lawrinson has endured a lot, including an abusive childhood, psychiatric institutions, a groping doctor and bullying. When she got older, she fell in love with a woman,

later married his brother, then had a scandalous affair that made headlines. Plus, a whole lot more! But thankfully, Julia’s sense of humour survived all this. She’s written a memoir, How To

Avoid A Happy Life, candidly sharing some of her confronting experiences with us.

Julia chats to The Starfish:

What made you decide to tell your story?

The prompt was the sudden, if not unexpected, death of my mother at the end of 2019. I was blindsided by my reaction to her death and found myself reliving parts of my childhood which I’d forgotten, or buried. The only way I knew how to corral this mess into some kind of shape was to write it.

Were you nervous about sharing some very personal aspects of your life with the world?

Not when I was writing – I wasn’t sure if I was going to publish it, or if I was going to publish it in Australia. But once I knew it was going to come out, and with a local publisher, I had a few weeks of, ‘Oh my giddy aunt, what have I done?’! However, I knew that if I was going to write a memoir, it was going to have to be warts and all – including my warts! So, I hoped that readers would connect to all of it – the good, the bad, and the weird.

Painful to write, cathartic, or both?

Both, definitely. It resolved some things and gave a shape to my experiences that made sense out of them in new ways, but it also raised a few extra bogies along the way.

How old were you before you realised that it’s not normal to have such a traumatic childhood, eg having to endure a violent grandfather telling you you’re not wanted, being inappropriately touched by a creepy child psychiatrist, etc etc?

There were some things which I suspected weren’t right at the time, but it was all relative. Growing up in working class areas, and living in state housing areas, I saw plenty of my school friends or neighbours who had it worse than I did. At least we always had food in the house, and I knew my mother loved me, even if the way she showed it left a fair bit to be desired. And my grandfather’s behaviour was completely normalised in the family – everyone made excuses for his violence. For other things, like the molesting child psychiatrist, I had no yardstick. Until I discussed it with the other girls in hospital, I thought what he was doing was part of the therapy. It was when I got into my twenties that I really started getting a sense of how different my life had been to other people I met at university.

Clearly our upbringing shapes our lives.. what positives would you say the tough experiences brought to yours?

I do think it has made me resilient, and it has also given me empathy for other people who have survived hard things. I don’t take anything for granted. And I appreciate the things that have gone well in my life, and the life I’ve created for myself.

Despite the disturbing aspects of your life, you’ve included lashings of humour through the book. What made you decide to tell your life story this way?

My ability to laugh when things are the worst have helped me survive, and so I wanted to carry that through to the writing. Some parts simply don’t have anything funny about them at all, like what happened to Carita, and I’ve told those things straight. For the rest, the tone came naturally – especially when recounting some of the stupid things I’ve done!

What’s been the reaction from friends and family to the book?

Everyone has been hugely supportive, and the response has been better than I ever could have dreamed. Some people can’t believe what I included, but they understand why I needed to put those things in.

Did you run any of it past anyone in advance?

I most certainly did. I checked with everyone I name that they were happy with how I represented them, and in some case, we had some clarifications about what happened when. I checked with anyone who I thought might be upset by references to other people. And I got legal advice to make sure I could say some things.

You talk candidly about your affair with colleague Nigel Lake while working at Parliament, and the media scrutiny and headlines you both endured when he ended up facing charges. Was Nigel supportive of your decision to revisit this unpleasant time in the book?

Nigel was absolutely supportive and gave me all the material I needed to give as full a picture as I could – all the police records, psychiatrist reports, the lot. He is a very private person, so it says a lot about his support that even though I asked if he wanted me to take anything out, he refused, because it was part of my story.

At times you’ve told us things you’ve said or done that may even alienate readers. Eg choosing to tell Nigel’s ex-wife, “I’m sorry he never loved you.” Why did you choose to include such details?

Because I wanted to show that when you are under pressure, you can become an asshole. I certainly wasn’t an angel, and some of the things I’ve done in my life make me cringe, but if I couldn’t face up to that, it wouldn’t have been much of a memoir. I didn’t want to write a self-serving document: I wanted to be honest with myself and the reader.

The book’s dedicated to Nigel and Annie. Did they both learn more about you when they read the book, and what did they think?

They have both been absolutely behind the memoir, and are very proud of me, having seen what it took to produce it.

You’re now a successful author, a qualified lawyer and on various boards. Do you hope your story may inspire others who’ve gone through tough times?

I really hope so: I have relied on memoir myself so often to say, ‘well, this person went through this, you can survive too.’ If you’re alive, there’s still hope.

Are you working on another book now?  If so, what’s it about?

For something completely different, I have written a middle-grade verse novel called Trapped, about an Italian miner who in 1907 was entombed for ten days after a mine near Coolgardie was flooded. It’s a fantastic story about courage and community, and I’m very excited that it will come out in 2025.

How To Avoid A Happy Life, by Julia Lawrinson (Fremantle Press) is out now.